There’s a lot to be bitter about this Christmas.

First of all I’m bitter you can’t call it Christmas any more! I fret every time I send out a Christmas card worrying I’ll offend someone by not using the politically correct “Holiday greeting”. It’s about as much fun as getting “clean coal” in your stocking.

Next, I received 6 cards this year because everyone is so concerned about the environment that no one sends Christmas cards any more. A mass email to 100 colleagues plus me does not fill me with the Holiday spirit!

The annual Christmas parties I get invited to were all cancelled because it was decided, “In this economic climate having a big party just didn’t seem right”. Didn’t seem right to whom? Let me get this straight. It’s been a bad year so let’s not even attempt to end it with some optimism that things are getting better. Ba Humbug!

Every year I look forward to eating persimmon pudding that one hostess makes. Another Holiday party boasts the best turkey chili I’ve ever had. I start thinking about it in November! I can’t even complain I packed on holiday pounds after weeks of and drinking champagne and eating fudge, cheese logs, and rum balls. I’m just fat!

My brief attempt to Christmas shop was met with pessimism and utter rejection. The usually chipper over eager sales staff are now replaced by bored; you aren’t going to buy any thing anyway so why should I stop my personal conversation to help you find a grey sweater that you probably won’t buy anyway!

There’s no great present to look forward to under my eco friendly artificial tree anyway. We all have our iPhones so this year’s must have’s are a toy hamster, a snuggie, or a cheo-pet that grows like President Obama!

Usually by this time of the year if I hear Charlie Brown’s Christmas music one more time I’m ready to shoot myself, but this year it’s like no one is interested in hearing anything accept Tiger Woods voice message put to music. It’s as if we’re too bitter to even sing.

Bob Dylan released a Christmas cd and it was panned! Bob Dylan! Singing Christmas carols! Bob Dylan singing Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas gets a collective ho hum!

The final nail of the Christmas coffin came when I saw a TV commercial that announced, “Join us for our special holiday presentation of The March of the Penguins”…March of the Penguins??? A Christmas movie?? A “Holiday presentation”??? The only thing that relates March of the Penguins to a Christmas movie is that it has snow it it! Animated snow!

With Merry Christmas, Christmas carols, Christmas music, Christmas trees, Christmas cards, Christmas lights, Christmas music, rum and egg nog, 3 Wise Men, The manger, Santa and his reindeer or anything meaningful stripped out of the holiday season why celebrate at all?

If, “The true meaning of Christmas”, is replaced by, “The true meaning of “the holidays”?

What is that true meaning of anything?

Ba Humbug is in! Bob Cratchet is actually a role model!

Here’s to 12 Days of Bitter!